A Friday I'd like to forget... {TMI ALERT}

WHAT A DAY! I'm still wondering if it really took place.

My afternoon ended with sitting on the bathroom floor watching the baby splash around in the tub (sitting in his bath seat) while eating ramen noodles out of a measuring cup and drinking a glass of wine paired with a few pieces of port wine cheese that was served on a plastic kids plate... keeping it classy. So how did I ended up there?

Well it all started when I picked up the kids from school today. We made it thorough the first week but of course Natalie came home sick with a fever. Conner is also sick but I wasn't aware of that (yet) when we got home.

While on the phone with my friend, Anna, I overheard all three boys playing in the hallway. However, giggles quickly turned into the Matthew crying and Conner very sweetly saying, "Um, excuse me? Excuse me? We have a problem..." When I didn't respond right away his sweetness turned to panic and I look over to see him huddled over the baby trying to drag him. "What are you doing?!" I ask asked as I walk over to inspect. "Um, I just frew up everywhere and da baby keeps crawling through it!"

He was 100% correct.

There was a perfect line of vomit down the hallway from Matthew's belly dragging it along the floor. OHEMGEE!!! I quickly moved Conner to the bathroom. While I was peeling vomit covered clothes off the baby Declan decided to take his pants and undies off in the hallway and announced “I have to pee!” 

[Insert pause to laugh with Anna (I was doing my best to maintain a normal adult conversation) and to receive a text from Travis that says “Hey, I’m at Costco. Need anything?” Ummm yes… gonna need some bleach for the floor and how about a little tequila while you're at it?]

I got Matthew all cleaned up and put him in the highchair so I could clean Conner and then the floor. Thankfully Conner was already clean. While continuing to try and have a normal adult conversation with Anna (who now has confirmation that I live in a zoo) I paused to tell Declan, who was still standing in the hallway, “Son, could you please stop playing with your penis and go potty in the toilet?”  He ran into the bathroom while I cleaned the floor. Just as I finished the floor Declan shouted, "I did pee pee in da toilet!! Uh oh... I missed! Mommy!!!!!! Pee pee on da floooooor!!!”  AREYOUKIDDINGME?

[Insert second pause to read another text from Travis. He was sending me pictures of all the fun things he found at Costco... while alone. without any children covered in pee or vomit. That must be nice.]

By that time Natalie was moaning on the couch as though she would most likely die soon from her 101.5º fever and Matthew was screaming because I put him in the high chair without ANY food. Matthew only cares about one thing… EATING. So I gave him some Cheerios and applesauce to keep him happy while cleaning up Declan's "missing" the toilet... aka, a creation of a small lake. 

Finished cleaning the bathroom floor, did a double check that neither Conner or Declan still had vomit or pee on themselves and returned back to the kitchen and realized I left the (now mostly evaporated) water boiling on the stove that was supposed to be for Natalie’s ramen noodles. I refilled the pot and started again. Then I turned around to check on Matthew who was oddly quiet…

Covered from head to toes in applesauce. Applesauce all over the high chair and the floor. He was happily rubbing it on his naked belly with a smile on his face.  

[Insert third pause. Anna: "So I think I'm going to let you go... you sound like you have your hands full."]

Right then Travis walk through the door. “Soooo… busy afternoon?” It took everything in me to not beat him over his head with the bottle of wine in his hand but that would be wasteful. I walked down the hall to the bathroom with a naked, sticky, Cheerio covered Matthew and put him in the bath. I asked Travis to bring me a bowl of ramen (which had turned cold) because none of the kids ate it. I was starving and it was the only thing that was ready to eat since clearly I was too preoccupied to cook real food. Thankfully, Travis brought me wine and cheese too. 

And that is how I ended up on the bathroom floor.